♥Nightmares & Other Things...

So the nightmares from my so called "childhood" are back ugh I really do HATE this time of year...it's always Summer & the winter holidays when they are at their worst :(! I hate wakin' up not bein' able to half breathe & so scared that I have to go check on my babies that very second! A few of ya'll who REALLY know me know what they are caused from. It's not nice & I wish every day that I will never have to have another "reminder" of the past. They vary greatly but are still nonetheless extremely terrifying(sp). Come on Fall get here FAST cause you seem to make them go away! Hopefully one day I won't have to deal with these & I will be able to relax & enjoy life more. I'm just so paranoid that if my babies aren't around me 24-7 somethin' bad will happen to them because of things that happened in my past. I hope when they are old enough to know that they really do understand why their mommy is a nut case!

Ok onto a different note:
We didn't get to grill yesterday cause hubs slept pretty much all day, didn't get the yard mowed, or the pool put back up grrr! I mean I understand he needed the sleep, but goodness where or when is it MY day to sleep in for once...I'm not complainin' cause I love bein' around my kids but man with my poor health I sure could use some extra sleep from time to time! He STILL has NOT picked a dang internet provider & it's startin' to get on my nerves GRRRR! I really want my photoshop back dang it! I swear it helps me when I get in a funk! Little Miss Victoria decided to dump ALL my expensive bubble baths down the drain YIKES talk about ticked off I had to walk away & count to 10 seriously, but hubs was nice enough to order me some more from that company in France that I just LOVE so much since they were havin' a 40% off sale to celebrate their 50th Anniversary YAY! Can't wait for those to come in ahh bubble bath heaven :) hehe! My sister keeps askin' to take our son for a few days & I keep tellin' her over & over that I don't want him goin' anyplace until we get him evaluated by the right dr seein's how we think he has depression that he more than likely got from me :(. It makes me sad for him, but at least we are tryin' to do somethin' about it & get him the proper help that we denied me growin' up! Just like I was told my pains from my ovaries (we know was cysts pains all along due to PCOS) were all "in my head"! Anyways I seem to be the only one that can handle his "depression fits" as we are callin' them for now so NO I don't want him goin' off from home for now! So all in all today has been just a lazy day as it's been rainin' on & off all day...ahhh how I loves the RAIN :D! Ok need to get off here & go clean up the kitchen from lunch & get ready to start supper in a bit...havin' BBQ shredded beef cheesy sammies with chips & zesty garden pickle mix YUMMY!

♥love☻happiness♫music